The First Day...

The first day back to school, always difficult for a thousand reasons, always reminds me that I am exactly where God intended me to be. Hugs from students (many feeling the need to rub my new belly), new students asking me to name my unborn child after them (haha), news students from all over the world, colleagues who encourage and provide humor, typically "bad" kids running through the door on time on the first day because even though they are obnoxious and filled with hate at times--they know they are loved and safe, a chance to start over and see kids through new lenses, an opportunity not often given in other districts or areas of the country to share Jesus and be his hands and feet in a public school...I am a blessed woman. I explained to Sammy that I was going to teach some big kids today, and he said, "have fun mama!" He, in turn, was cared for by two amazing women. He walked out of Marie's house with his dinosaur bookbag, beaming and excited to tell me that he got a book baggy to bring home today! Is my life conventional? Not by any means! Do I love what God is doing in my life and in my family's life (though not always what I would choose or the way I would choose)? Definitely. I know there will be challenging days ahead. I know there will be mornings when Sammy is not-so compliant and days when students (and administrators) make me question why I chose teaching in the first place. But I am forever grateful that God continues to open doors that I would NEVER have opened and continues to close the ones I try to break my way through.

So far a great start to a new school year...

...just as Christ also loved the church...

Ephesians 5:25-27 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her; 26 that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless.

I've been to soooooo many weddings when this set of verses is casually read--mine included. I know I didn't totally understand what it meant nine years ago (thought I did), but I am privileged to be married to a man who lives these verses out on a daily basis.

While reading the other day, I came across a statement that brings about a simple interpretation of these verses: "The goal of love is not just kindness motivated by a desire to make your wife happy. The goal is to build her up to bring about God’s purpose in her." 

I have realized over the last couple of years--especially with the added stress of a child (almost children)--that I have married a man that not only exemplifies Christ, but who also makes it his goal to make me a better person and develop who God made me to be. He is slow to anger, the most patient person I have ever met, extraordinarily humble, and loves me with a true love--a love that isn't afraid to correct me when I am wrong or encourage me when I am in a slump. He is respected by those around him, not because he lives in a popular way, but because he lives each and every minute with integrity--always putting others before himself and ALWAYS thinking long and hard before he speaks.

Bottom line: I love that my husband loves Jesus more than he loves me, and I love that my husband wants me--he urges me--to love Jesus more than I love him. Even more, he lives in such a way that draws me closer to Jesus.

Now, who needs a big house and fancy things when you come home to that every day?

Yum! The Humongous Appetite of a Pregnant Woman...

This is so random and out of the ordinary compared to what I normally write about, but I have to write about my appetite with this pregnancy. I have never in my  life felt like such a glutton!!! When I was pregnant with my first, I pretty much ate two things: fruit and cereal. With this one, I feel like a bottomless pit. Below is the list of random foods that I crave...the grocery store for me right now is like the liquor store for an alcoholic--I just need to stay away.

-Starburts (or any chewy, fruit-flavored candy)
-Soup (I can't get enough--doesn't matter what kind--I just want soup)
-Ramen Noodles (fairly new craving, but so good)
-Ice Cream (do I really need to explain?)
-English Muffins (super toasted)
-Bologna (don't judge me...I just really, really want bologna on a roll with mustard. I've only had it once so far, but the craving is always there! Ha!)
-Hot chocolate with whipped cream
-Orange juice
-Fruit (which I may not be able to count as a craving because pregnant or not, it is my favorite thing to eat)
-Cereal (Multi-grain Cheerios, Honey Bunches of Oats, and Rice Crispies being my favorites)
-Eggs (I REALLY want them "over easy"--with the runny yolk, but I am afraid of the dangers for the baby, so I have settled for scrambled)
-"Chicken in a Pita" (I only had it once at the Eden Corn festival, but it was SO good that I can't stop thinking about it!!)
-Pretzel Bites with cheese
-Nachos

Yep...and I haven't gained a pound yet, though I try to balance all of these "cravings" with sensible things! Along with this laundry list of favorites, I have experienced acne again for the first time in a long time--Clean and Clear is my new best friend (though it doesn't seem to be working). I have worn my hair in a pony tail most days this summer--partly because I need a hair cut and mostly because my hair is like straw!  I am still battling fatigue, although I am pretty sure that won't subside with a two-almost three-year old and starting back to work full time next week. I've felt tiny movements here or there, but nothing too obvious. I am much more laid back with this pregnancy...much of the stress that comes with being a first time mom is behind me at this point. My biggest anxiety is helping Sammy transition. He will be over three by the time the baby comes, and he is very verbal and very aware of what is going on around him. He has become a bit aggressive over the last few weeks and really wants little to do with the idea of sharing his life and everything in it with another child (though how can a 2 year old really fathom something that isn't there?)!! I am also really hoping to have him potty trained by then. We thought he was ready to potty train a few months back--he was going sporadically and responding to positive reinforcement--but he has since lost interest. I am told this is very normal (by the doctor and friends), and kids--especially boys--will suddenly have interest and potty train over night. It was my goal to have him out of diapers well before the next one arrives, so we shall see what the fall brings...

I am definitely enjoying myself even though this pregnancy seems to be very different from my first. I look forward to the coming weeks and months...only a little over two weeks until we (hopefully) find out if it will be a brother or sister for Sammy :)

Corn and God's Faithfulness...

We are heading to the Eden Corn Festival later on today. Why is this noteworthy, you may ask? The Eden Corn Festival is held the first weekend of August each year. Last year, as we drove to this festival, Dave got a phone call that resulted in a lay off and six months without a job. I remember the "punch-in-the-gut" feeling as we drove on Interstate 90 and heard a sweet woman say, "I'm sorry to bother you on a Friday night David, but I have some bad news..." The funny thing is, I remember having a lot of fun that night...eating corn on the cob, playing games, and yes, eating deep fried cheesecake! I also remember the weeks and months that followed...a moment in the desert waiting for the manna to fall. As I look back over the last year, I feel SO unworthy of the point to which God has brought us. I remember feeling angry and scared, and just like the Israelites, began grumbling. So as we head to the festival tonight, with my ever expanding belly (that I can't believe is expanding so fast) and my little second born fluttering inside, I will reflect on the God who is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He is the same God who was with us when we heard that news, and he is the same God who is watching over the baby in my womb. He remains unchanged even though I do not. He remains faithful when I am full of doubt. He gives and takes away...still I will say blessed be His name...

Let it Begin With Me...

If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me. Psalm 139: 9,10

Psalm 139 has to be my favorite Psalm. I could really identify with it when I was pregnant, and as I watch my son grow and change, God's beautiful and unfolding plan continues to fascinate me. In last 7 months or so, I have gone through an interesting period in my walk with Christ...going from extreme mountain top experiences to even more extreme valley and desert moments. In the midst of it all, I have felt God's peace that truly passes all understanding.

Every other Friday we have youth group...a fun night of small groups, gym time, games, and, of course, food! This past Friday night, the teaching was on burdens. I was unprepared for what occurred as our small group discussion began. I started out with a group of three girls, but we stumbled upon another group of seven girls  who were with my good friend Alicia, so we joined in. This was no accident. As we began our discussion on burdens, the question was asked, "what burdens do teenagers typically carry?" Silence. We eventually pulled some cliche answers out of them like "friends, school, etc." Feeling a little uncomfortable with the silence, we probed further. "Can any of you share a burden you might have?" Alicia quickly noticed one girl's mood change, so she questioned further. This young eighth grade girl, with such maturity and poise, began to pour out her heart about her parent's broken relationship. She shared about their history of nasty and angry fighting, and with tears streaming, told us that they had been to see a divorce lawyer that afternoon. As she vulnerably opened her heart to the group, four girls sobbed around our circle. Another girl began to share about her father who left her family long ago.  Two girls continued to sob and were unwilling to confide in the group. Alicia and I looked at one another, stunned. In the fellowship hall of little church on the east side of Buffalo, ten broken and burden-filled girls sat and longed for more...for more than broken families, for more than shouldering way more than a 12 or 13 year old should, for more than carrying secrets and regret. Gosh...I love how Jesus works. No fancy worship service. No powerful sermon. No flashy programs. Just four brick walls, Jesus, ten girls in need of a Savior, and two willing vessels. We prayed over the girls, and eight of them rejoined the boys and other girls in the sanctuary for the closing.

But there were still two girls who needed more. Alicia and I followed them into the bathroom where they continued to sit and cry, unwilling to share but desperate for someone to care. Without a thought, Alicia and I sat on the cold bathroom floor. After some silence, one girl shared about her parents volatile relationship. She told us that last summer her dad went down south to get away and to take care of his mother. While there, he suffered kidney failure and died, and she never saw him again. This twelve year old girl sat and spoke of such painful regret. The other girl finally felt comfortable sharing, and she poured her heart out about being a foster child and never having met her parents. Alicia and I shared about a God who loves them...about a Father who ordained every day of their lives. I quoted and explained parts of Psalm 139.

I was forever changed while sitting on that cold and nasty bathroom floor! When we walked out of the bathroom, I saw Sammy running around entertaining all of the teenagers like he loves to do. I couldn't help but think, will he ever realize...will he ever know how blessed he is? I pray that as he grows up in our care, he sees love in action, not simply in word. He has amazed us over the last few months with all that he has learned and is able to do. He knows the alphabet, all the letter sounds, can count to 20, etc., etc., etc. Like any parent, I am proud of every little thing he does, but no matter what he does or does not do and no matter what talents he has or doesn't have, I pray that he knows how to love others with the love of a God who ordained every moment of his life before one of them came to be. Let's face it: "If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing."...may this be our greatest lesson for our son, and let it begin with me.

(Rotten) fruits of my spirit...

On a day when I lost patience, let my anger get the best of me, and had a hard time finding a way to love the unlovable, I stumbled across the following passage in one of my devotional books. It is quoted from Max Lucado's When God Whispers Your Name:

"In a few moments the day will arrive. It will roar down the track with the rising of the sun. The stillness of the dawn will be exchanged with the noise of the day. The calm of solitude will be replaced by the pounding of the human race. The refuge of the early morning will be invaded by decisions to be made and deadlines to be met.

For the next twelve hours I will be exposed to the day's demands. It is now that I must make a choice. Because of Calvary, I'm free to choose. And so I choose.

I CHOOSE LOVE...
No occasion justifies hatred; no injustice warrants bitterness. I choose love. Today I will love God and what God loves.

I CHOOSE JOY...
I will invite my God to be a God of circumstance. I will refuse the temptation to by cynical...the tool of the lazy thinker. I will refuse to see people as anything less than human beings, created by God. I will refuse to see any problem as anything less than and opportunity to see God.

I CHOOSE PEACE...
I will live forgiven. I will forgive so that I can live.

I CHOOSE PATIENCE...
I will overlook the inconveniences of the world. Instead of cursing the one who takes my place, I'll invite them to do so. Rather than complain that the wait is too long, I will thank God for a moment to pray. Instead of clinching my fist at a new assignments, I will face them with joy and courage.

I CHOOSE KINDNESS...
I will be kind to the poor, for they are alone. Kind to the rich, for they are afraid. And kind to the unkind, for such is how God has treated me.

I CHOOSE GOODNESS...
I will go without a dollar before I take a dishonest one. I will be overlooked before I boast. I will confess before I accuse. I choose goodness.

I CHOOSE FAITHFULNESS...
Today I will keep my promises. My debtors will not regret their trust. My associates will not question my word. My husband will not question my love. And my children will not fear that their mother will not come home.

I CHOOSE GENTLENESS...
Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle. If I raise my voice, may it be only in praise. If I raise my fist, may it be only in prayer. If I make a demand, may it be only of myself.

I CHOOSE SELF-CONTROL...
I am a spiritual being...After this body is dead, my spirit will soar. I refuse to let what will rot, rule the eternal. I choose self-control. I will be drunk only by joy. I will be impassioned only by my faith. I will be influenced only by God. I will be taught only by Christ. I choose self-control.

...To these I commit my day. If I succeed, I will give thanks. If I fail, I will seek grace. And then, when this day is done, I will place my head on my pillow and rest."

The Battle

I walked into the office, signed in as usual, walked out the office door and headed toward my classroom. Before I got to the stairwell, I passed by one of my former students-now a junior. She was smiling as usual and quickly said hello, but soon after she walked by she said, "Hey Mrs. Neiss, did you know I was going to have twins?" I have been doing this job long enough for "was" to be the first word to hit my ears. I was already in my classroom and onto the day's tasks in my mind, but I quickly gave this young girl my undivided attention. "What do you mean by was?" The answer to my question was obvious, but I needed to hear her say it. I needed to see the look in her eyes. "I didn't have a choice" was her response. I stood before her at that moment, not just as a teacher, but also as a mom--someone who has felt life stir inside of her--and as someone who puts her hope and faith in the One who created those little lives. She went on to tell me that her parents wouldn't have it any other way. I spent a few moments listening--without comment or judgment. She had such a juvenile expression on her face--so innocent--like she was simply telling me what she did over the weekend. She ended the conversation by telling my the cadillac of prescriptions she is now on to fight off possible infections and to speed healing. We parted ways and I headed to my classroom stunned. In my seven years teaching in this environment, I've seen a lot. I've seen students die before the diploma even has a chance to reach their hands. I've seen students locked up for life because of one bad choice. I've seen pure anger and hate in 14, 15, 16-year old eyes. This time I sat at my desk and cried and had a quiet funeral in my heart for those two little lives. I stared at all the empty desks and mourned. All of the garbage I have seen and have heard about and have witnessed in my short teaching career came flooding back to me like a nightmare. Then Ephesians 6:12 came to mind: "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." I usually spend the twenty minutes or so before homeroom grading papers or going over lessons, but instead I took some time to put on the armor of God. I sat in my empty room and focused on the One who put me there...the One who knows the very hairs on the head of each student that enters my room and every room in that building...

May I never forget that teaching is my secondary purpose.