Let it Begin With Me...

If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me. Psalm 139: 9,10

Psalm 139 has to be my favorite Psalm. I could really identify with it when I was pregnant, and as I watch my son grow and change, God's beautiful and unfolding plan continues to fascinate me. In last 7 months or so, I have gone through an interesting period in my walk with Christ...going from extreme mountain top experiences to even more extreme valley and desert moments. In the midst of it all, I have felt God's peace that truly passes all understanding.

Every other Friday we have youth group...a fun night of small groups, gym time, games, and, of course, food! This past Friday night, the teaching was on burdens. I was unprepared for what occurred as our small group discussion began. I started out with a group of three girls, but we stumbled upon another group of seven girls  who were with my good friend Alicia, so we joined in. This was no accident. As we began our discussion on burdens, the question was asked, "what burdens do teenagers typically carry?" Silence. We eventually pulled some cliche answers out of them like "friends, school, etc." Feeling a little uncomfortable with the silence, we probed further. "Can any of you share a burden you might have?" Alicia quickly noticed one girl's mood change, so she questioned further. This young eighth grade girl, with such maturity and poise, began to pour out her heart about her parent's broken relationship. She shared about their history of nasty and angry fighting, and with tears streaming, told us that they had been to see a divorce lawyer that afternoon. As she vulnerably opened her heart to the group, four girls sobbed around our circle. Another girl began to share about her father who left her family long ago.  Two girls continued to sob and were unwilling to confide in the group. Alicia and I looked at one another, stunned. In the fellowship hall of little church on the east side of Buffalo, ten broken and burden-filled girls sat and longed for more...for more than broken families, for more than shouldering way more than a 12 or 13 year old should, for more than carrying secrets and regret. Gosh...I love how Jesus works. No fancy worship service. No powerful sermon. No flashy programs. Just four brick walls, Jesus, ten girls in need of a Savior, and two willing vessels. We prayed over the girls, and eight of them rejoined the boys and other girls in the sanctuary for the closing.

But there were still two girls who needed more. Alicia and I followed them into the bathroom where they continued to sit and cry, unwilling to share but desperate for someone to care. Without a thought, Alicia and I sat on the cold bathroom floor. After some silence, one girl shared about her parents volatile relationship. She told us that last summer her dad went down south to get away and to take care of his mother. While there, he suffered kidney failure and died, and she never saw him again. This twelve year old girl sat and spoke of such painful regret. The other girl finally felt comfortable sharing, and she poured her heart out about being a foster child and never having met her parents. Alicia and I shared about a God who loves them...about a Father who ordained every day of their lives. I quoted and explained parts of Psalm 139.

I was forever changed while sitting on that cold and nasty bathroom floor! When we walked out of the bathroom, I saw Sammy running around entertaining all of the teenagers like he loves to do. I couldn't help but think, will he ever realize...will he ever know how blessed he is? I pray that as he grows up in our care, he sees love in action, not simply in word. He has amazed us over the last few months with all that he has learned and is able to do. He knows the alphabet, all the letter sounds, can count to 20, etc., etc., etc. Like any parent, I am proud of every little thing he does, but no matter what he does or does not do and no matter what talents he has or doesn't have, I pray that he knows how to love others with the love of a God who ordained every moment of his life before one of them came to be. Let's face it: "If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing."...may this be our greatest lesson for our son, and let it begin with me.