expectation vs. gratitude

I haven't written in a while...I've been pouring my writing efforts into a different project, but tonight, I need to let my heart pour out through my fingers, and I don't have time for my pen to catch up to my brain!

I woke up this Friday morning with a pep in my step. Dave was getting out of work at 3 (2 hours earlier than usual), and we planned to take Sammy to the pet store to get his first pet: a hermit crab (our cat doesn't count to Sammy--he says he is mean! Ha.)  He has been asking for one for a while. He is so intrigued by them, and we thought it would be a low maintenance (and cheap) fun family project! I was excited because he was excited. The day quickly turned sour. One tantrum led to another. One time out led to another. No nap turned into melt down after melt down. I lost my patience. I lost my temper. We both ended up in tears (mine in the bathroom). Needless to say, we don't have a hermit crab...we obviously weren't going to reward his behavior.

I think Shakespeare said that expectation is the root of all heartache. I expected today to be a great Friday. I lost my patience and my temper because my son didn't act the way I expected him to act. I expected to bless my son, and I was hurt that I couldn't do that for him because of the way he was acting.

As a need for independence pairs up with his strong-willed personality, Sammy can be quite a challenge sometimes. I often feel like I am doing everything wrong and that this phase will never end. As I sat in the bathroom to have a moment of peace, I immediately thought about God. How many times have I done the opposite of what He expected? How many times have I disobeyed? How many times has He intended to bless me but I walked the other way? 

And so the glaring realization that I have so much to learn...as a Christ-follower and as a mom. God has used my role as "mama" to expose some of those ugly areas of my life that wouldn't have otherwise been uncovered. So I can only have gratitude that the expected turned into the unexpected--giving me a chance to be honest with myself and with my God. The toughest days eventually bring about the greatest growth...however painful.

And as if my children haven't taught me enough, when I apologized to Sammy for losing my temper, he said, "That's ok mama. I forgive you"...without even thinking twice about it.