Raising Boys...

The first thing the sonogram tech asked was "Do you want to know what it is?" Before she even finished the sentence, I blurted out, "Oh, yes!" Dave and I, and everyone else in our lives (except Dave's grandmother), was convinced we were having a girl. This pregnancy has been drastically different, I look different with this one, and all of the old wives tales performed (with or without my permission) claimed there was a girl growing inside of me. I liked the idea of having a daughter. I would always stop by the girl's section at Target and take a glimpse at the cute dresses, and we picked out a name that we were in love with. Despite all of this, I never put out of my mind the idea of another little boy :)

The tech started with her routine measurements, which seemed to take forever, but Dave and I enjoyed watching all of the little somersaults and movements. Finally the tech exclaimed, "Guess what? It's a boy!" Neither of us reacted--not out of a disappointment, but out of shock that our very certain minds had been wrong (imagine that)! After she announced our little boy and made sure we were certain by zooming in on the obvious part, she had trouble getting measurements of the spine because our little guy was curled up in such a ball. She asked me to take a walk and go empty my bladder to see if that would help (which it eventually did). I went into the bathroom and immediately cried. I promise you I wasn't crying out of disappointment, but I was crying for Dave. He didn't act disappointed. Quite the opposite. However, a part of me wanted him to experience what I have with my dad...that father/daughter bond that I don't even understand sometimes. Even more, I knew he would make a great dad to a little girl. He would teach her what it means to be loved and respected in a world that is full of young girls looking for love in all the wrong places. Beyond that, I felt guilt...guilt that I would have another little boy pulling at my "apron strings"! Weird, I know, but these were the things flooding my mind. I wasn't upset about not being able to buy pink or have shopping trips or spa days, and part of me knew or felt--long before I had children--that I was made to raise boys. I did feel overwhelming guilt that my hubby wasn't getting his special little girl. Again...so weird, I know. (Those confused need to know that we are planning on having only two children--no matter what the gender. I am not God, I know. But that is the Neiss plan, hence, the guilt. We both agree that trying for a third simply to try for a specific gender is silly. If we have a third, it will be because we want to have another child, not because we want a girl.)

I collected myself and quickly went back into the room. As she continued the sonogram, I was in awe. She switched over to the 3D images, and I immediately fell in love with this new little man. His nose is just like Sammy's and his arms and legs were all over the place! He kept opening and closing his mouth like he was trying to make little baby noises! It was so amazing. Dave grabbed my hand and squeezed it, and at that moment, all feelings of guilt flew out the door. Raising boys is God's plan for us (for the moment, since I can't see tomorrow ;), and I am so excited for the future. Football games, worn out knees on pants, grass stains, youth group pranks, and watching them--by the grace of God--grow into men who fear the Lord and live to serve Him. And what better role model than Dave? (And my dad now has three sons that he never had!)

I can't wait to meet our new little guy, but in the mean time, I am enjoying every single moment of this pregnancy. I am amazed by God's power and grace, and I continue to be in awe of Him--especially as a little life moves within, and even when I am tired and run-down.

Psalm 139:13-16...just amazing.

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
   when I was made in the secret place,
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
   all the days ordained for me were written in your book
   before one of them came to be.