Dave has been on a business trip to Boston for a few days now, and he comes home Friday. I miss my partner in crime. Though many of our usual hours during the week are spent apart, there is comfort in the time we spend together in the evenings, talking, cuddling, making plans, encouraging one another, laughing, cooking dinner together, etc. Sammy has been so sweet and cooperative and my parents have spoiled me by inviting me over for dinner, but nothing compares to having him to lean on. I thought about it while driving to work today: single parents are the real heroes. Men and women who, everyday, do everything on their own...the discipline, the reading, the bath time, the teaching, the cooking, the cleaning, the play time--all of it. At 5 months pregnant, taking care of Sammy on my own for less than a week has been a little tough (especially when you can't really lift a 35 lb. toddler), but that doesn't even remotely compare to what many moms and dads do on their own on a daily basis.
I'm thankful for a supportive husband who gives 100% to his family, but, more importantly, praying for all the single parents who sacrifice so much more than I am required to on a daily basis.
19.9.11
Raising Boys...
The first thing the sonogram tech asked was "Do you want to know what it is?" Before she even finished the sentence, I blurted out, "Oh, yes!" Dave and I, and everyone else in our lives (except Dave's grandmother), was convinced we were having a girl. This pregnancy has been drastically different, I look different with this one, and all of the old wives tales performed (with or without my permission) claimed there was a girl growing inside of me. I liked the idea of having a daughter. I would always stop by the girl's section at Target and take a glimpse at the cute dresses, and we picked out a name that we were in love with. Despite all of this, I never put out of my mind the idea of another little boy :)
The tech started with her routine measurements, which seemed to take forever, but Dave and I enjoyed watching all of the little somersaults and movements. Finally the tech exclaimed, "Guess what? It's a boy!" Neither of us reacted--not out of a disappointment, but out of shock that our very certain minds had been wrong (imagine that)! After she announced our little boy and made sure we were certain by zooming in on the obvious part, she had trouble getting measurements of the spine because our little guy was curled up in such a ball. She asked me to take a walk and go empty my bladder to see if that would help (which it eventually did). I went into the bathroom and immediately cried. I promise you I wasn't crying out of disappointment, but I was crying for Dave. He didn't act disappointed. Quite the opposite. However, a part of me wanted him to experience what I have with my dad...that father/daughter bond that I don't even understand sometimes. Even more, I knew he would make a great dad to a little girl. He would teach her what it means to be loved and respected in a world that is full of young girls looking for love in all the wrong places. Beyond that, I felt guilt...guilt that I would have another little boy pulling at my "apron strings"! Weird, I know, but these were the things flooding my mind. I wasn't upset about not being able to buy pink or have shopping trips or spa days, and part of me knew or felt--long before I had children--that I was made to raise boys. I did feel overwhelming guilt that my hubby wasn't getting his special little girl. Again...so weird, I know. (Those confused need to know that we are planning on having only two children--no matter what the gender. I am not God, I know. But that is the Neiss plan, hence, the guilt. We both agree that trying for a third simply to try for a specific gender is silly. If we have a third, it will be because we want to have another child, not because we want a girl.)
I collected myself and quickly went back into the room. As she continued the sonogram, I was in awe. She switched over to the 3D images, and I immediately fell in love with this new little man. His nose is just like Sammy's and his arms and legs were all over the place! He kept opening and closing his mouth like he was trying to make little baby noises! It was so amazing. Dave grabbed my hand and squeezed it, and at that moment, all feelings of guilt flew out the door. Raising boys is God's plan for us (for the moment, since I can't see tomorrow ;), and I am so excited for the future. Football games, worn out knees on pants, grass stains, youth group pranks, and watching them--by the grace of God--grow into men who fear the Lord and live to serve Him. And what better role model than Dave? (And my dad now has three sons that he never had!)
I can't wait to meet our new little guy, but in the mean time, I am enjoying every single moment of this pregnancy. I am amazed by God's power and grace, and I continue to be in awe of Him--especially as a little life moves within, and even when I am tired and run-down.
Psalm 139:13-16...just amazing.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
The tech started with her routine measurements, which seemed to take forever, but Dave and I enjoyed watching all of the little somersaults and movements. Finally the tech exclaimed, "Guess what? It's a boy!" Neither of us reacted--not out of a disappointment, but out of shock that our very certain minds had been wrong (imagine that)! After she announced our little boy and made sure we were certain by zooming in on the obvious part, she had trouble getting measurements of the spine because our little guy was curled up in such a ball. She asked me to take a walk and go empty my bladder to see if that would help (which it eventually did). I went into the bathroom and immediately cried. I promise you I wasn't crying out of disappointment, but I was crying for Dave. He didn't act disappointed. Quite the opposite. However, a part of me wanted him to experience what I have with my dad...that father/daughter bond that I don't even understand sometimes. Even more, I knew he would make a great dad to a little girl. He would teach her what it means to be loved and respected in a world that is full of young girls looking for love in all the wrong places. Beyond that, I felt guilt...guilt that I would have another little boy pulling at my "apron strings"! Weird, I know, but these were the things flooding my mind. I wasn't upset about not being able to buy pink or have shopping trips or spa days, and part of me knew or felt--long before I had children--that I was made to raise boys. I did feel overwhelming guilt that my hubby wasn't getting his special little girl. Again...so weird, I know. (Those confused need to know that we are planning on having only two children--no matter what the gender. I am not God, I know. But that is the Neiss plan, hence, the guilt. We both agree that trying for a third simply to try for a specific gender is silly. If we have a third, it will be because we want to have another child, not because we want a girl.)
I collected myself and quickly went back into the room. As she continued the sonogram, I was in awe. She switched over to the 3D images, and I immediately fell in love with this new little man. His nose is just like Sammy's and his arms and legs were all over the place! He kept opening and closing his mouth like he was trying to make little baby noises! It was so amazing. Dave grabbed my hand and squeezed it, and at that moment, all feelings of guilt flew out the door. Raising boys is God's plan for us (for the moment, since I can't see tomorrow ;), and I am so excited for the future. Football games, worn out knees on pants, grass stains, youth group pranks, and watching them--by the grace of God--grow into men who fear the Lord and live to serve Him. And what better role model than Dave? (And my dad now has three sons that he never had!)
I can't wait to meet our new little guy, but in the mean time, I am enjoying every single moment of this pregnancy. I am amazed by God's power and grace, and I continue to be in awe of Him--especially as a little life moves within, and even when I am tired and run-down.
Psalm 139:13-16...just amazing.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
10.9.11
Surrender...
We started a study on surrender in youth group tonight. It started me thinking, "what does it REALLY mean to surrender?"
Webster defines surrender as "to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another."
The first part of that definition seems like a no-brainer. If you surrender, you give up something. The last part of the definition is what hit me: especially in favor of another. When we surrender all we are--everything we have: our material possessions, our dreams, our families, our fears, our anxieties--to Christ, we aren't just giving something up, we are giving those things up in favor of Christ. We are choosing Him over those things that keep us running like hamsters on a wheel.
The next question may be...what then when we choose to surrender...what happens next?
It will be interesting to see where this study goes because this is SO much easier said than done.
Webster defines surrender as "to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another."
The first part of that definition seems like a no-brainer. If you surrender, you give up something. The last part of the definition is what hit me: especially in favor of another. When we surrender all we are--everything we have: our material possessions, our dreams, our families, our fears, our anxieties--to Christ, we aren't just giving something up, we are giving those things up in favor of Christ. We are choosing Him over those things that keep us running like hamsters on a wheel.
The next question may be...what then when we choose to surrender...what happens next?
It will be interesting to see where this study goes because this is SO much easier said than done.
7.9.11
The First Day...
The first day back to school, always difficult for a thousand reasons, always reminds me that I am exactly where God intended me to be. Hugs from students (many feeling the need to rub my new belly), new students asking me to name my unborn child after them (haha), news students from all over the world, colleagues who encourage and provide humor, typically "bad" kids running through the door on time on the first day because even though they are obnoxious and filled with hate at times--they know they are loved and safe, a chance to start over and see kids through new lenses, an opportunity not often given in other districts or areas of the country to share Jesus and be his hands and feet in a public school...I am a blessed woman. I explained to Sammy that I was going to teach some big kids today, and he said, "have fun mama!" He, in turn, was cared for by two amazing women. He walked out of Marie's house with his dinosaur bookbag, beaming and excited to tell me that he got a book baggy to bring home today! Is my life conventional? Not by any means! Do I love what God is doing in my life and in my family's life (though not always what I would choose or the way I would choose)? Definitely. I know there will be challenging days ahead. I know there will be mornings when Sammy is not-so compliant and days when students (and administrators) make me question why I chose teaching in the first place. But I am forever grateful that God continues to open doors that I would NEVER have opened and continues to close the ones I try to break my way through.
So far a great start to a new school year...
So far a great start to a new school year...
2.9.11
...just as Christ also loved the church...
Ephesians 5:25-27 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her; 26 that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless.
I've been to soooooo many weddings when this set of verses is casually read--mine included. I know I didn't totally understand what it meant nine years ago (thought I did), but I am privileged to be married to a man who lives these verses out on a daily basis.
While reading the other day, I came across a statement that brings about a simple interpretation of these verses: "The goal of love is not just kindness motivated by a desire to make your wife happy. The goal is to build her up to bring about God’s purpose in her."
I have realized over the last couple of years--especially with the added stress of a child (almost children)--that I have married a man that not only exemplifies Christ, but who also makes it his goal to make me a better person and develop who God made me to be. He is slow to anger, the most patient person I have ever met, extraordinarily humble, and loves me with a true love--a love that isn't afraid to correct me when I am wrong or encourage me when I am in a slump. He is respected by those around him, not because he lives in a popular way, but because he lives each and every minute with integrity--always putting others before himself and ALWAYS thinking long and hard before he speaks.
Bottom line: I love that my husband loves Jesus more than he loves me, and I love that my husband wants me--he urges me--to love Jesus more than I love him. Even more, he lives in such a way that draws me closer to Jesus.
Now, who needs a big house and fancy things when you come home to that every day?
I've been to soooooo many weddings when this set of verses is casually read--mine included. I know I didn't totally understand what it meant nine years ago (thought I did), but I am privileged to be married to a man who lives these verses out on a daily basis.
While reading the other day, I came across a statement that brings about a simple interpretation of these verses: "The goal of love is not just kindness motivated by a desire to make your wife happy. The goal is to build her up to bring about God’s purpose in her."
I have realized over the last couple of years--especially with the added stress of a child (almost children)--that I have married a man that not only exemplifies Christ, but who also makes it his goal to make me a better person and develop who God made me to be. He is slow to anger, the most patient person I have ever met, extraordinarily humble, and loves me with a true love--a love that isn't afraid to correct me when I am wrong or encourage me when I am in a slump. He is respected by those around him, not because he lives in a popular way, but because he lives each and every minute with integrity--always putting others before himself and ALWAYS thinking long and hard before he speaks.
Bottom line: I love that my husband loves Jesus more than he loves me, and I love that my husband wants me--he urges me--to love Jesus more than I love him. Even more, he lives in such a way that draws me closer to Jesus.
Now, who needs a big house and fancy things when you come home to that every day?
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