Day One

I carried my little guy for 9 months, and I was able to have him all to myself for another 9 months. Today I had to let go a little bit. I cried the whole way to our sitter's house. When we got there, we brought him in and she took him right out of his car seat. She let him down, and he crawled right into the group of kids in the living room. The older ones greeted him, and he smiled from ear to ear. We went to say good bye, and he was in all of his glory...without me. Not a tear, not a whine, not a second thought. I know I should be grateful that I have been blessed with such an easy-going, content, and independent little boy, but a part of me wanted him to reach out for me! We were out the door as fast as we were in, and I cried all the way to school. I just called to check up on him, and Marie told me that "he is perfect." He is following his schedule beautifully, eating and sleeping well, and having so much fun with all of the kids. She went on about what a happy and content child he is. He sat in circle time with all of the kids (in a stroller), and she said he listened intently and watched and laughed. She looked at him at one point and said, "Sammy, are you having a good time?" and he shook his head "no" with a big smile on his face (his newest favorite thing to do)! Part of me hurts knowing that he is doing so well without me, but I am so thankful that he is playing and learning and safe. This whole situation is a testimony of God's faithfulness and provision. I could go on and on about how perfectly orchestrated the process has been. It was inevitable that I would be going back to work for a variety of reasons, and as difficult as it has been, He has brought calm in the midst of my storm.

“This is what the LORD says— your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: "I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go.”- Isaiah 48:17

Despite my own thoughts, the thoughts of others, or what society dictates, He knows what I need, He knows what Sammy needs, and He knows what is best for my family. He has clearly been directing my steps. The hardest part is learning to let Him lead...