Growing Pains...

21 Days of Prayer for Sons Challenge

I have been participating in the 21 Days of Prayer for Sons Challenge. I started this anticipating that it would be a nice thing to do for the boys, but I wasn't prepared for how much it would change me. Reading the book and the blog, writing out the verses for each day with the boys' names inserted, going through the study questions--it has all rocked my world and has greatly impacted how I see myself as a mom--especially a mom of boys. It has exposed so many areas where I have missed the mark and has revealed to me how much I really try to do everything by my own power and under my own control. God is using this challenge to show me how much I need to grow as a mom, and it is painful--in a good way.

Ann Voskamp said, "A mother's labor and delivery never ends and for years she just has to remember to take a deep breath.Whole battles can be won by one breath and a prayer at a time." The way my children have taken a hold of my heart often takes my breath away. The immense joy and unconditional love paired with the feelings of worry and (sometimes) guilt really does feel like the highs and lows of giving birth over and over again. And in the midst of raising two boys into men, God is raising me into a mother, and the growing process can be painful at times. My sons have been a magnifying glass for my soul--exposing my greatest strengths and, even more so, my greatest weaknesses.

I am learning to breath deeply and to pray like I have never prayed before. I pray for my sons, that they would be men of honor and integrity--that their hearts would beat passionately for the God who numbered the hairs on their heads, and that they would have hearts that are pure and willing to serve the needs of others. And I pray that I would be a mother who lives in such a way that honors Christ and points her children in His direction.

Jason Upton sings "No Sacrifice," and I never thought of the lyrics in regard to my kids, but God is showing me--really showing me--what it means to completely surrender to Him, and that means giving up the control I try to hold on to as a mom. My boys are His-past, present, and future. Period.

No Sacrifice -- Jason Upton