(Rotten) fruits of my spirit...

On a day when I lost patience, let my anger get the best of me, and had a hard time finding a way to love the unlovable, I stumbled across the following passage in one of my devotional books. It is quoted from Max Lucado's When God Whispers Your Name:

"In a few moments the day will arrive. It will roar down the track with the rising of the sun. The stillness of the dawn will be exchanged with the noise of the day. The calm of solitude will be replaced by the pounding of the human race. The refuge of the early morning will be invaded by decisions to be made and deadlines to be met.

For the next twelve hours I will be exposed to the day's demands. It is now that I must make a choice. Because of Calvary, I'm free to choose. And so I choose.

I CHOOSE LOVE...
No occasion justifies hatred; no injustice warrants bitterness. I choose love. Today I will love God and what God loves.

I CHOOSE JOY...
I will invite my God to be a God of circumstance. I will refuse the temptation to by cynical...the tool of the lazy thinker. I will refuse to see people as anything less than human beings, created by God. I will refuse to see any problem as anything less than and opportunity to see God.

I CHOOSE PEACE...
I will live forgiven. I will forgive so that I can live.

I CHOOSE PATIENCE...
I will overlook the inconveniences of the world. Instead of cursing the one who takes my place, I'll invite them to do so. Rather than complain that the wait is too long, I will thank God for a moment to pray. Instead of clinching my fist at a new assignments, I will face them with joy and courage.

I CHOOSE KINDNESS...
I will be kind to the poor, for they are alone. Kind to the rich, for they are afraid. And kind to the unkind, for such is how God has treated me.

I CHOOSE GOODNESS...
I will go without a dollar before I take a dishonest one. I will be overlooked before I boast. I will confess before I accuse. I choose goodness.

I CHOOSE FAITHFULNESS...
Today I will keep my promises. My debtors will not regret their trust. My associates will not question my word. My husband will not question my love. And my children will not fear that their mother will not come home.

I CHOOSE GENTLENESS...
Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle. If I raise my voice, may it be only in praise. If I raise my fist, may it be only in prayer. If I make a demand, may it be only of myself.

I CHOOSE SELF-CONTROL...
I am a spiritual being...After this body is dead, my spirit will soar. I refuse to let what will rot, rule the eternal. I choose self-control. I will be drunk only by joy. I will be impassioned only by my faith. I will be influenced only by God. I will be taught only by Christ. I choose self-control.

...To these I commit my day. If I succeed, I will give thanks. If I fail, I will seek grace. And then, when this day is done, I will place my head on my pillow and rest."

The Battle

I walked into the office, signed in as usual, walked out the office door and headed toward my classroom. Before I got to the stairwell, I passed by one of my former students-now a junior. She was smiling as usual and quickly said hello, but soon after she walked by she said, "Hey Mrs. Neiss, did you know I was going to have twins?" I have been doing this job long enough for "was" to be the first word to hit my ears. I was already in my classroom and onto the day's tasks in my mind, but I quickly gave this young girl my undivided attention. "What do you mean by was?" The answer to my question was obvious, but I needed to hear her say it. I needed to see the look in her eyes. "I didn't have a choice" was her response. I stood before her at that moment, not just as a teacher, but also as a mom--someone who has felt life stir inside of her--and as someone who puts her hope and faith in the One who created those little lives. She went on to tell me that her parents wouldn't have it any other way. I spent a few moments listening--without comment or judgment. She had such a juvenile expression on her face--so innocent--like she was simply telling me what she did over the weekend. She ended the conversation by telling my the cadillac of prescriptions she is now on to fight off possible infections and to speed healing. We parted ways and I headed to my classroom stunned. In my seven years teaching in this environment, I've seen a lot. I've seen students die before the diploma even has a chance to reach their hands. I've seen students locked up for life because of one bad choice. I've seen pure anger and hate in 14, 15, 16-year old eyes. This time I sat at my desk and cried and had a quiet funeral in my heart for those two little lives. I stared at all the empty desks and mourned. All of the garbage I have seen and have heard about and have witnessed in my short teaching career came flooding back to me like a nightmare. Then Ephesians 6:12 came to mind: "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." I usually spend the twenty minutes or so before homeroom grading papers or going over lessons, but instead I took some time to put on the armor of God. I sat in my empty room and focused on the One who put me there...the One who knows the very hairs on the head of each student that enters my room and every room in that building...

May I never forget that teaching is my secondary purpose.